Blog Post: Mental Health in a Time of FREAK OUT!

Martha I. Finney helps companies improve their performance by attracting, keeping and inspiring high-passion, high-performing talent. This posting is based on the principles from her new book, The Truth About Getting the Best From People . For the full collection of her extended blogs, including, "Why I Love HR,” visit www.hrjourneys.blogspot.com. Contact her at martha@marthafinney.com

I have this friend, see, who can’t seem to be able to land a decent job in her adopted city to save her life.  It’s not for the lack of trying. For almost two solid years. I’ve never seen anyone work as hard as she is looking for a decent job where people treat her respectfully and allow her to express her full potential. I really feel very bad for her.

But this posting isn’t about her. This is about me.  I’m about to lose my mind.  It’s getting to the point where I’m seriously considering not answering the phone when I see her name on my caller ID. It’s not that I don’t care about her. I do. It’s not that I’m not sympathetic with her situation. I am. It’s not that I haven’t already spent hours listening to her unspool her latest frustrations again and again. I have. It’s that I have had enough of keeping an emotional Open House going for months.  It’s closin’ time.

Is it too controlling to draw a safety circle around myself and say, “This is a complaint-free zone.”?  I’m thinking not. There are some things I just don’t want to talk about anymore. Four years ago when I watched how very badly people of otherwise-goodwill behaved during the last Presidential elections, I resolved not to discuss politics. With anyone; not even the people I agree with. Now I’m thinking of going the same way with jobs, money, current events (which, in these times, are one and the same).  Sure, I want to stay informed.  But when it comes to social discourse, I just don’t want to hear about it anymore. It’s sucking the spirit right out of me.

Over the next couple of weeks, I’m going to do some serious research into the relationship between mental health, resilience and innovation. But for now I just want to vent.

There’s no question that we’re all in for some “interesting” times in the ensuing months. The question is, are those rocks ahead? Or just choppy seas? Let’s prepare for rocks and pray for chop. The thing of it is, we’ll survive it, regardless. So, while the weather ahead may be totally out of our control, what happens inside our respective heads in the process is.

Stop thinking you’re so special. Why is it that our group is stunned that we’re about to entire some rough seas? When you think about it, generations before us had some major crappy times.  Imagine being a World War I soldier who miraculously emerged from the war in Europe, return to the United States only to be dead three days later from the flu? Those slick, sleek characters on MadMen? If you were a young adult in the early 1960s, you had already survived the Great Depression, World War II and the Korean War. And your president is about to be assassinated. My uncle survived WWII as an infantryman, only to return home, start a family with hope and confidence, and then get shipped out to Korea. I haven’t even mentioned the Holocaust, Vietnam, the Cold War with a wall separating friends and families for almost 30 years, the family farms in the 1980s, the factory towns gone bust, Rwanda. I could go on and on, but I won’t. It’s just that I can’t think of a single generation, region or nation that hasn’t endured a major tragedy. So why should we be different?

Brighten the corner where you are. This may sound simplistic and nauseatingly Pollyanna-ish. But truly, even in a democracy, the only place where we have any direct control in our lives is the small patch of ground upon which we each stand.  We have control over the way we treat each other and, to some extent, the way people treat us. I know that last part is especially difficult, especially when you want to say to your abusive, bully boss, “Hey! You know what? Bite me.” There is still an elderly neighbor to help with groceries, a homeless pet to adopt, a bereft friend to sit with, a friend to listen to (within reason), a pleasant dinner party to throw – even if it’s only boiled potatoes.

Fill your memory banks with stories of hope and golden moments. Call me superstitious or grasping at hope straws, but my biggest source of reassurance is moments of true synchronicity. Not just coincidences that have some tenuous explanatory line that connects events. I mean, knock you on your butt, bolt out of the blue, synchronicity.  Those are moments, I like to think, that God is telling me He’s still on the job, and that He’s got my file open. Notice the golden scenery around you; this nation is filled with spectacular natural beauty. Get out of the house and enjoy it. It’s free. Hang out with people who will talk with you about miracles and sunsets and snowfalls and bunnies and bluebirds. They’re all still there, regardless of what’s going on in the economy.

Appreciate what you have. So we’ve been a nation of rampant acquisition. That was then. But that is also now. You’ve got your Ipod, your Iphone, your flat-screen TV, your KitchenAid mixer, your Beemer. You bought them when credit was flowing because you thought they would make you happy.  Let them make you happy now.  As long as we have electricity to run these toys, their functionality and intrinsic value are untouchable by today’s headlines. Whip up a bunch of brownies (not those kinds of brownies, see below), kick back and watch something uplifting on the flat-screen. Among my favorites: You Can’t Take It With You (James Stewart and Jean Arthur) and Joe Versus the Volcano (Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan).

Take care of your brain.  If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ll know that I have over 7,000 songs stored on my Ipod. (Sheesh, the things I cop to in this space.) But you may not know that I also have meditation guides and even Joel Osteen on my Ipod. And I’ve gotten into the habit of shoving very comfortable, silicone-covered earbuds into my ears before I’m even vertical in the mornings (really, ditch the tortuous Apple earbuds, and invest in comfortable ones; that’s money well spent) and listening to a Joel Osteen sermon. I open my eyes just long enough to squint that the bright screen and select a theme. It’s amazing how a message of positivity first thing in the morning gets the day off on the right foot.

A friend of mine starts her day with a gratitude list.  I also like to watch video lectures from the TED conference. Spending time (even if it’s virtual time) with some of the great thinkers of today tells my brain that the world is full of possibilities, if I would just pay attention to, say, what David Eggers has to say about the fun of joining an after-school tutoring group of fellow writers. And I keep CNN turned off.

Eat for your brain.  Since I’m not a nutritionist, I’m not going to go into details here. But I would like to recommend that you read Daniel Amen’s book, Making a Good Brain Great.

Get the sleep you need. Amen urges seven to eight hours, just so the brain has the chance to restore itself. Personally, I have a nasty habit of waking up at 3 am.  But, for me, it’s a great writing time.  So I take a nap in the afternoon. I don’t think Amen would approve. But hey, a girl has to do what a girl has to do. At least I intentionally shove positivity into my gray matter before I go vertical.

Of course, exercise goes without saying. Really. Don’t say it.

Take care of your mood.  And so now we circle back to what started this conversation in the first place. To the extent you can, draw a circle around your spirit, claiming your immediate-impact-area to be a no-complaint zone. You’re not leaving your complaining friends in the lurch; they’ve got plenty of other friends that they can unload on. In fact, my aforementioned friend spent quite a bit of time last night telling me how her other friends are agreeing with her that “work sucks.”

Keep company with positive people who are nice to you, who keep their commitments with you, who share your values, who make you feel good about yourself. Go to uplifting movies. As a team, volunteer for a cause that will inspire you. When you hang out at home, talk about books, ideas, art, literature, music, anything other than the economy, the bird flu, Putin, Iraq, the boss. All those things will be there tomorrow.  You don’t have to dwell on them tonight.

So, is this the Ostrich Remedy? Maybe.  But I’m not really suggesting that you hide your head in the sand. Brain science has shown repeatedly that an appreciative, positive approach to life and how we take care of our noodle make a huge difference in our abilities to prevail, thrive, and come up with innovative solutions. This is high-performance crunch time.  So we better start treating ourselves as emotional athletes.

A special note from Martha:  If you’re a manager, your company is counting on you to be an engaging leader. But what exactly does that mean? And how do you do engagement? Just because you’re brilliant at your technical skills, that doesn’t mean that you’re a natural at people skills. New managers need a book that can help them figure it out in simple, straightforward ideas.

That’s why I wrote The Truth About Getting the Best From People. It’s a book made up of 49 short, simple truths designed to help new managers understand how their beliefs and behaviors directly impact their employees’ passion factor on the job.

Click on the title and check it out! I hope you’ll enjoy it!